CirclingTM is a way of having a conversation that enriches connection and reveals aspects of ourselves and each other that were initially hidden from view (often in plain sight). I consider it both a formal facilitated practice and a set of skills with many applications in our lives and work.
Rather than talking about the weather, the news, or a mutual friend, we root our attention in the present moment and talk about what it’s like to be together, right here, right now.
It’s about being really curious about ourselves, each other, and our dynamic. It’s about extending ourselves to wonder: “what’s it like to be you?”, and being willing to be surprised by the answer.
It’s a sort-of conversational meditation. And like meditation, we do it with radical acceptance (everything is already perfect), not trying make anything happen (no need to fix or change anyone), and being as present as possible to this moment.
The goal is to get in touch with what’s most true as we’re together, in a way where we deeply feel that ‘togetherness’. People call this being “dropped in”; it’s something you can actually feel, and it’s profound.
You can also learn to have this kind of conversation with almost anyone (to at least some degree of depth) by following certain principles.
“What’s the point of just being present?”
While we’re practicing not trying to get anywhere, we always end up somewhere in Circling. And that “somewhere” is more fully here… yet somehow distinctly different from where we started. There is a trail that you follow, but that trail isn’t to a destination; it’s more of the constant unfolding of the moment.
A big part of the practice is to surrender to this moment… to let go of any agenda to try and, for instance, fix someone’s problem. And yet the impulse to do that can be really strong, and the idea of just sitting here in this moment across from each other makes some people’s skin crawl. And people sometimes ask: “What’s the point? There’s nothing here!”
But consider that it’s an illusion that there’s nothing here.
What I’ve discovered is that if I really relax my attention into what’s here right now, and I open to the unfolding of the moment, that I start to drop in… and more detail, more nuance, emerges. What was at first maybe flat and dull, actually starts to become as rich tapestry. What was originally nothing, turns out to be a whole lot of something.
Sometimes this experience is akin to the colours becoming brighter. And sometimes you actually discover things about yourself or another person. Things that, looking back were so obvious, but you somehow originally had no idea they were true. It’s like a fish perceiving water for the first time. These profound moments are some of my favourite in Circling.
Different kinds of Circling.
When practiced formally, Circling has two main formats—and many variations—that help us dive deep with a group of people.
There’s what’s known as a “Birthday” or “Focus” Circle, where we focus our attention on one particular person and what it’s like to be them. We practice stepping into their world and having a conversation about what that’s like.
One variation on this is to Circle someone on a specific topic. For instance, we can get someone’s world with respect to a positive or negative event in their life or something they’re grappling with.
There’s also what’s known as an “Organic” or “Flow” Circle (and the closely-related “Surrendered Leadership” Circle**), where there’s no single focal point of attention. The group’s attention can stay with one person or can shift around to multiple people in the group.
**Note: there’s some debate as to whether Surrendered Leadership (SL) is actually a type of Circling or its own separate practice. In my opinion, Circling must include active curiosity for others, which SL sometimes lacks. I’d say that SL is something that can do Circling, but is not Circling in and of itself.
And much like yoga, there are also many styles of Circling that vary by organization and by facilitator. Here’s my attempt at capturing some of the variety that you may see out there…
[There should be a video here. Will fix later. In the meantime, search for my “Map of Circling Styles” video on Youtube.]
Finally, Circling can also be practiced informally, almost as a way of being, in day-to-day conversation. I see the formal practices as a sort of gym to train our relational muscles so that we can go out into the world more empowered and and able to truly connect to ourselves and others, so that we can have more of a positive impact on the people and world around us.
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Want to learn how to Circle? Check out the next Circling Comprehensive training.