Doing that thing you do again?  

Relational-Pattern Debrief: Deconstruct behaviour patterns that leave you drained, so you can stay grounded in yourself and give clients your best without burning out

1on1 sessions for neurodivergent therapists, coaches, facilitators, and other professionals

 

(Skip down to the TL/DR summary)

 

Relational patterns can be subtle, like constantly running 5-minutes behind schedule because you allow every session to go over-time. They can be as common as saying ‘yes’ to a night out when you really need an evening in. They can hide behind beliefs of “I’m a good friend/child/employee/boss so I will show up and over-deliver every time.”

 

Often, the patterns result in the same kinds of challenging interactions, relationships, people, or problems appearing in your life over and over. 

 

(Sometimes we’re more aware of these external “symptoms”—or experiences of overwhelm, resentment, or rumination—because the underlying behaviour is operating on auto-pilot, below our conscious awareness.)

 

Almost always, these patterns leave you feeling drained, under-resourced, and with very little time or mental space for yourself. It’s a recipe for burnout.

 

 

 

 

Relational patterns are hard to see and harder to shift because they’re deeply tied to our sense of self and our value in the world.

 

  

 

Relational-Pattern Debrief sessions can help you get your time, energy, and mental space back.

 

We look at the root causes behind…

    • Over-giving, over-delivering, constantly going over time to give your clients a little extra attention — which means you run late, don’t have time to use the bathroom or do your post-session paperwork. So you work late and lose your time for self care.
       
    • Emotionally merging with your client’s distress, which can cloud your objective judgment in-session and stay with you long after you leave the office. 

    • Trying to appear “Professional” when you feel overwhelmed, which contributes to feeling drained after the interaction and guilty for not performing at 110%. 

    • Saying yes when you should be saying no, or struggling to hold a boundary you’ve set for your own wellbeing, leaving you feeling resentful.

    • Freezing up in intense situations or when something unexpected happens

    • Feeling the need to apologize frequently, or beating yourself up for saying the ‘wrong thing’ — or ‘failing’ to say the ‘right thing’ — adding anxiety to nearly every situation.

    • Hiding or suppressing your true emotions, thoughts, or impulses so you appear calm, happy, and “okay” (no matter what is really happening). 

 

Gaining awareness of these patterns leads to challenging the stories beneath the behaviours, and ultimately, shifting the patterns themselves.

 

 

 

These issues are complicated, but getting started is simple.

 

All you need to bring is:

    • A specific behaviour pattern, feeling pattern, or type of interaction you keep experiencing.

    • A specific example of an interaction, professional or personal, that is representative of that pattern

    • (Or, bring any unresolved interaction and discover the relational patterns you can’t see on your own.)

 

Note:  spoken conversations are best; text-based exchanges don’t work well for this.

 

  

 

Let’s sit down and shed compassionate light on the patterns creating unnecessary stress in your life and keeping you from having the impact you know you’re capable of.

 

Book a debrief for $150.

 

 

 

 


“While I am super smart and see a lot, I sometimes need help organising all that I see so it’s not one massive complex soup of mental sensation.
Following our session, I had clearer mental energy for the next session I facilitated. Our session helped tidy up my mental confusion. This increased mental clarity resulted in a boost of self-trust and self- appreciation, countering the self-doubts stemming from previous confusion.”

Thea Kremser,  coach & facilitator

 

  

 

 

Our goals for this work:
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    • Deeply understanding where this pattern is coming from and how it’s protecting you — you’ll get the answer to “Ugh, Why do I keep doing this?!”

    • When you see what’s going on and why, you’ll discover more choice and confidence to practice different ways of being and challenge the unquestioned rules and beliefs that hold that pattern together.

    • Then, something like magic happens: You are a complex living system, and when you can see your drivers more clearly and take time to connect with your emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and body – there is often a fundamental, holistic, inner shift.

 

This last part may take days, weeks, or months — but eventually you’ll catch yourself thinking 

 

“Huh, I don’t do that thing anymore.”

 

And sometimes, you’ll see more-instant shifts. Like…

    • Standing up for yourself more when you connect with your dignity and needs.

    • Finding more courage to be yourself, say what you think, ask for what you need, and share what you’re feeling when what you’re feeling isn’t “I’m okay”.
       
    • Following your gut even if you think you ‘should’ be doing something by the book.

    • Challenging a client when you would normally placate them.  

    • Centering your own needs so you can feel rested, resourced, and grounded.

    • Setting and holding boundaries without anxiety or guilt, honoring your energy and capacity.

 

The ripple effects of this work are far-reaching, because when you change the underlying dynamic of a pattern, you change everything.

 

Book a debrief.

 

 

 


“As we started, I was feeling very stirred up, and by the end, I felt at peace, with some helpful tools and distinctions to navigate challenging interactions a little differently next time. I was hoping for understanding but I feel like I got more freedom.

The most important thing was seeing where I was taking too much responsibility for a colleague’s lack of communication skill—and how that zaps my energy. I’ve since had a few more challenging interactions with him and I’ve been honoring my boundaries better and taking less responsibility for his poor communication skills.”

Eric F,  Vice President of Research

 

  

 

If you’re thinking “Okay, that sounds good, but how does this work?” Read on.

 

In a 75-min Zoom session, we will talk through the recurring pattern you’ve identified through the lens of your specific example (aka. “Last week, while I was talking with one of my clients, I found myself doing or experiencing…”). 

 

Together, we will unpack what fears, beliefs, needs, or ‘rules’ make that behaviour or experience make sense. Even the most illogical, self-defeating patterns make sense on some level — due to your upbringing, personal history, unacknowledged needs, or how your neurodivergent brain works. Often, they result from parts of yourself that you’ve unconsciously pushed away. These parts, fears, beliefs, and rules are incredibly hard to see for yourself — EVEN WHEN you are a therapist, coach, or facilitator yourself.

 

We all need someone who can ask questions that illuminate what we can’t see on our own sometimes.

 

Book a single Relational-Pattern Debrief Session for $150

Or, Book a package (you must book at least 1 single session before booking a package)

    • 1 session  =  150 
    • 4 sessions  =   560      
    • 8 sessions  =   1,100     
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“Josh listened so carefully and seemed like a mind-reader to be honest. He helped me to reconnect with my own wisdom so that I felt lighter and more relaxed, more like myself and knowing I didn’t need fixing.

I definitely feel happier about how I conduct myself already. There was a temptation to put that mask firmly back on, but after the call, I was totally clear that’s not necessary!

You’re going to feel seen and understood, in the best way possible.”

Georgina Green,  book coach,  www.georginagreen.co.uk

 

  

 

 

It’s like looking at yourself in a mirror that shows you all the truths about yourself you haven’t noticed, or have struggled to acknowledge. But it’s a compassionate mirror. It’s a mirror that greets the whole you with understanding and empathy. 

 

Confronting? Possibly.  Scary? No.  Fascinating and eye-opening? Absolutely.

 

 

 

 TL/DR Summary:
(application below👇)

 

 

Who for:  self-aware neurodivergent professionals who find themselves repeating “self-defeating” behaviour patterns with people that leave them exhausted and over-stretched.

What:  1on1 sessions on Zoom. Bring a specific example of when you experienced a specific behaviour (or feeling) pattern in an interaction, and leave with insights and more confidence to practice a different response (Spoken interactions work best.)

Why:  ND professionals experience burnout at high rates for many reasons, but “self-defeating” behaviour patterns are a big one. Understanding what stories/beliefs/needs/rules drive your pattern reduces shame and helps you gain confidence to handle things in a more conscious, empowered way moving forward.

When:  one 75min session at a time, at your own pace

How much:

1 session = 150
4 sessions = 560
8 sessions = 1,100

Currency: US if you live in US, UK, or EU. Canadian for everyone else.

New clients need to do a single session before booking a package.


Questions? / How to apply:  use form below 👇 

 

 

 

 

 


“The most important outcome was reconnecting with my emotions and practicing kindness towards myself; this felt more like progress than any external tool or technique I may have learned/adopted.

It really helped me prepare for a difficult conversation at work. The dreaded meeting went better than I had anticipated. This time I felt safer, allowed myself to go slower than usual, and came prepared.

What changed was my tolerance to the pain of vocalizing my boundaries.

My usual strategy would be to avoid the pain by masking and pretending. But now my internal monologue was “Ok. This sucks. I’m bad at it. But I’ll still do it anyway, awkwardly and imperfectly,” and I went on and stated my needs.

When they said something that felt deeply wrong and triggering, I took a deep breath and stayed with it. It felt more like a “pause to take things in” rather than an overwhelming freeze. Later I revisited what happened and decided that a big change needs to happen in my life and career. Funny, I lingered for a second longer than I usually do, and the trigger turned out to be a profound learning for me.”

Atyaf Mahdi,  neurodivergent professional

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APPLY HERE (or contact me with questions)