Relational Debrief: Unpack the miscommunications and difficult conversations that keep your mind spinning at 3am

Perfect for burnt-out facilitators and other neurodivergent professionals

 

 

(TL/DR at the end)

 

If you find yourself wondering if you did or said something wrong — because the outcome of a conversation or interaction was not what you’d envisioned… that thought loop of “what did I say? What did I do? Why did they react that way?!” can easily spin out and leave you exhausted.

 

A relational debrief can set your mind at ease by providing perspective and an empathetic mirror, so you can see yourself, the situation, and what you said or did (or didn’t say, or didn’t do) clearly.

 

It’s a tool that can help you get better results as a facilitator in your workshops or the meeting room, in your professional interactions, and in your personal relationships — because your ability to be a great facilitator requires you to be very present. Which is a struggle if you’re still ruminating over the conversation you had with your partner over breakfast.

 

 

Let’s sit down and shed compassionate light on the interactions creating unnecessary stress in your life.

 

 

Our goals by the end of the debrief:

    • You’ll feel validated, understood, and deeply seen.
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    • You’ll have a fresh perspective that stops the blame-game, and gives you a better understanding of where you’re coming from, where the other person may be coming from, and how you can meet in the middle.
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    • You’ll feel less apprehension before, and less drained after, working with clients and groups — because you’ll feel more confident in your ability to communicate in ways that match your intentions.

 

Sounds Perfect. Take me to the application.

 

 

“Josh quickly created a safe space for what felt like a simple yet incredibly powerful conversation. [It] opened doors for me as I explored a thorny work experience, [which] helped me connect the work experience to a much larger field in my life.”
Marlene, Agile Coach

 

If you’re thinking “Okay, that sounds good, but how does this work?” Read on.

 

The approach I use is a listening technique that I first experienced at a personal-growth workshop in San Francisco in 2009. A few years later, I was working hard and nearing the end of grad school (considering quitting), and one of my colleagues used this approach with me to help me sort out what I wanted, how I was going to proceed, and how to feel less overwhelmed so I could move forward.

 

I don’t say this lightly—but it was profoundly enlightening to have someone sit across from me and get really curious about my situation, seeing what I couldn’t see for myself. Helping me find my way through the muck and get back onto firm ground.

 

Now, as a practitioner of this type of deep listening for over ten years, I’ve seen it help so many people with major life decisions, personal relationships, and the kinds of challenges facilitators face every day—for example:

    • How to constructively communicate with disengaged, resistant, or even argumentative clients and participants
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    • What to do when things take an unexpected turn in their sessions
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    • Ways to navigate the tendency to over-accommodate clients and participants
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    • What to do when breakdowns in personal or professional relationships impact their ability to show up for clients and participants

 

The answers to these questions (and many others) tend to naturally reveal themselves as we go through the debrief process. You may be surprised at how something that’s been puzzling you becomes suddenly clear.

 

How it Works:

 

In these 75-min Zoom sessions, we talk about a past difficult interaction, ongoing relationship, or recurring relational pattern, and I help you make sense of it, both mentally and emotionally, reduce feelings of shame about it, find some peace, and be better equipped to face this or similar types of interactions moving forward.

 

All you need to bring is:

    • a specific personal or professional interaction that’s stressing you or feels unresolved,
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    • or an ongoing difficult relationship with the same person (with an example interaction),
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    • or a recurring difficult, maybe self-defeating, pattern of yours that shows up with multiple people (with an example interaction)

 

Note: spoken conversations are best; text-based exchanges don’t work well for this.

 

You’ll leave with fresh insights, a new perspective, and a sense of resolution. No more spinning the interaction around in your head. And most clients report feeling peace, less shame, and more confidence to handle things moving forward.

 

How much: $150 per individual session; packages available

 

I’m ready. Take me to the application.

 

 

“As we started, I was feeling very stirred up, and by the end, I felt at peace, with some helpful tools and distinctions to navigate challenging interactions a little differently next time. I was hoping for understanding but I feel like I got more freedom. Thank you!”
Eric F, Vice President of Research

 

 

Yes, you can use a Relational Debrief to help you unpack difficult conversations or relational patterns with your partner, kid, friend, colleague, boss, clients, and trolls on the internet, but…

I’ve found it to be particularly useful as a tool to relieve and prevent burnout among facilitators

 

Burnout is a problem with many contributing factors — and neurodivergent folks experience their own category of burnout from masking, overstimulation, sensory stressors, expectations and commitments, and the pressures of trying to live and work in a neurotypical world.

 

My area of expertise is addressing the drain that comes from holding space, facilitating, and interacting with people.

 

When I applied deep listening to the problems facilitators face, I thought most facilitators would come to me with their difficult interactions with mainly clients and participants.

 

That’s not what happened.

 

They came with stories about miscommunications, unintended arguments, and fraught conversations with their partners and colleagues — these were the interactions that stressed their nervous systems and prevented them from being fully present as facilitators.

Being able to “debrief” these moments with someone who can take it in, really “get” what it’s like from your perspective, and see what you can’t is incredibly powerful.

 

The ability to be present with people is the most important skill you have as a facilitator. But when you’re carrying around unresolved issues, it’s like there’s a leak in your energy bucket. That leak makes it harder to take care of yourself so you can show up for your clients and participants in the way they need. That ‘outside’ stress constantly pulls your attention away from the people you’re trying to serve.

 

Let’s get your focus back.

 

“If you’re having trouble processing a conversation or experience with someone and have been hard on yourself or avoiding it, you can make great headway in an hour with Josh. I moved from guilt and rumination to clarity and okayness with what happened.”
Suzy Jeppesen, former client

 

One more thing… it’s not always one troubling conversation. We can also use this to unravel a behaviour pattern affecting your relationships

 

Maybe it’s the way people keep reacting to you — and you don’t know what you’re doing to cause it.

 

Or, it’s the way you react when activated by a person, word, tone, or situation.

 

The icy skid you can’t avert…

 

The worst situations feel like skidding your car on the ice, heading for a collision in slow motion, and forgetting if you’re supposed to turn your wheels into the turn or away.

 

It’s so easy to have the best intentions; maybe you’re just trying to contribute to the conversation, but what you say lands differently with the other person and they react like you just kicked a kitten. You absolutely did not intend to figuratively kick a kitten. What happened?

 

You’re left bewildered and stressed for hours, if not days, obsessing over what you said and how to avoid it the next time.

 

It’s so easy to fall into a self-defeating automatic response — like when your boss asks you to do a BIG project on an unrealistic timeline that completely disregards your other work and commitments… and you say “yes, I can do that” without even checking your calendar.

 

We all have these habitual ways of showing up in the world, of communicating, of trying to feel safe, of forming assumptions about ourselves or other people’s motivations or how we think they see us. And it’s often difficult to figure out why we keep doing those things when the outcome is bad. Every. Single. Time.

 

“I was surprised by how deeply rooted my trigger responses were and the impact that they are having on my mental health and personal relationships. I gained insights that I didn’t previously have, and it was just healing and validating to feel heard and understood.”
Jay Rooke, Business Coach, JayRooke.com

 

What I often didn’t realize when I found myself in the heat of those moments was that the problem was less about the words —our actual words have less of an impact than we think—and more about losing touch with me, at a time when I needed myself the most.

 

This technique is incredibly good at helping you connect back to yourself, so you can stop yourself from sliding into autopilot responses and reactions (or get out of the skid once you’ve started).

 

It’s like looking at yourself in a mirror that shows you all the truths about yourself you haven’t noticed, or have struggled to acknowledge. But it’s a compassionate mirror. It’s a mirror that greets the whole you with understanding and empathy.

 

Confronting? Possibly. Scary? No. Fascinating and eye-opening? Absolutely.

 

“I really did not know what to expect, but I would say it exceeded my expectations. I felt an emotional reset after our session. I definitely feel I discharged some tough feelings and felt more spaciousness after. I really wish I could do it weekly.”
Hannah C, therapist

 

 

My role is to be a witness to your story, validating your experience and feelings, and asking questions that help you explore the deeper layers of your situation.

 

I’ve found that this approach allows for the most profound insights to emerge, and empowers you to discover what’s needed in a way that works for your unique journey. The goal is not just to find a resolution to the immediate situation, but to foster a deeper self-attunement, which is key to moving through the world with greater confidence and clarity.

 

My promise to you:

    • I will greet you with empathy and curiosity.
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    • I will listen deeply and ask good questions.
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    • I will reflect back to you what you say, and what you might have left unsaid, in a way that opens up new perspectives and insights.

 

I can’t promise what you’ll find, or what you’ll take away. But many experience a profound paradigm shift.

 

You may find yourself answering questions that nobody has asked you before, and finding answers you’ve never thought of before. You may see and feel things about the interaction or yourself that you weren’t able to on your own.

 

Who This Works Best For:

 

I find these sessions have the most impact for neurodivergent professionals and facilitators who are self-aware, value their personal growth, and are willing to take an honest look at themselves (even when it’s uncomfortable).

 

 

 TL/DR Summary:
(application below👇)

 

 

Who for:  self-aware neurodivergent leaders & helpers who struggle to recover from difficult conversations, or repeatedly get stuck in the same types of difficult interactions.

What:  1on1 sessions on Zoom. Bring a difficult interaction, relationship, or recurring relational pattern (with example interactions), we talk about it, and leave with insight and some resolution about it. (Spoken interactions work best.)

Why:  NDs experience challenging interactions more often. Find some peace about the situation, reduce shame, see & feel things about it you couldn’t on your own, and gain confidence to handle things moving forward. 

When:  one 75min session at a time, at your own pace

How much:

1 session = 150
4 sessions = 560
8 sessions = 1,100

Currency: US if you live in US, UK, or EU. Canadian for everyone else.

New clients need to do a single session before booking a package.


Questions? / How to apply:  use form below.
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APPLY HERE (or contact me with questions)